A Pick Up Line a Day Keeps Lily Evans Away
by fairytalefantasistx3
Summary: James Potter's pick-up lines annoy Lily, but they provide amusement for the rest of us.
1. A Reason To Shine

**A/N I thought about the idea of doing a story like this at midnight, and spent the whole night scribbling about ten chapters down on paper. The chapters will all be very short, very simple, and all will be based around a chat-up line (most of which I found on the internet). They're at various points in seventh year, and each chapter follows on from the previous, which is supposed to have taken place a couple of days earlier. Confused yet? I'm not good at explaining my stories :) Oh, and good news (good if you actually like this, that is) for people who read my other stories and know what a terrible updater I am - I've written a million of the chapters by now, so the next chapter will be up in record time. Anyway, this is longer than the actual chapter now, so...hope you enjoy.  
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I'm sitting with Alice in armchairs by the fire in the common room when Potter walks over. He stops in front of me and stares for a moment.

"Oh, Lily…you're so beautiful, you give the sun a reason to shine," he says in a mock-earnest voice, a hand clasped over his chest.

I look out of the window and laugh. "Potter. Take a look outside."

He peers through the nearest window and curses to himself. "Well…each one of those raindrops represent a tear I've cried for you?"

Really. What else _can _you do but laugh?

"Go away, Potter. Just go away."

He sighs and stomps up the stairs to his dormitory.

"Ooh – harsh," says Alice, though she's giggling as she watches him go.

"He could've looked out the window before trying out that ridiculous line. How stupid can you get?"

"Remember, this is _James Potter_ we're talking about."


	2. You Don't Know Alfred?

Can't a girl eat scrambled eggs in peace in this place?

"Are you Alfred's girlfriend?"

I stare at Potter as he flops down onto the bench opposite me. "No. Who on earth is – "

"You don't know Alfred?" he interrupts, grinning slyly.

"No, I do not know Alfred."

"Oh. He said he was dating the most perfect girl in the school, and I just assumed it was you."

"You know Potter, that might actually have been clever if there was a single person named Alfred in this entire school."


	3. All The Stars In The Sky

I can't even enjoy a bacon sandwich in peace in this school anymore.

"Do you know what I did last night, Lils?"

"I really, really do not care."

He carries on as if he hadn't heard me. "I counted all the stars in the sky and thought of a reason for each why I love you."

"Huh, that's funny. I counted all the blades of grass on the Quidditch pitch and thought of a reason for each why I hate you."

"What were _you _doing on the Quidditch pitch?"


	4. Don't Frown

Transfiguration essays and I are not best friends. We just don't get on. I hate them. They hate me.

Speaking of things that are definitely _not_ my best friend, Potter walks over and grins at me. I, of course, glare right back - I'm trying (and failing) to work.

"Don't frown! You never know who might be falling in love with your smile."

"Don't smirk! You never know who might be about to SLAP IT OFF YOUR FACE!"

"…I'll be walking away now…"


	5. The Voices In My Head

"You have pretty hair."

"What do you want, Potter?" I sigh, shovelling food in to my mouth without looking up at him. I'm already late for class. "I don't have time for you right now. Or ever, come to think of it."

"It's just," he says, lowering his voice to a whisper. "The voices in my head told me to come over and talk to you."

"Wait…yes, the voices in my head are telling me to hex you. They just recommended the Jelly-Legs jinx. Now they're saying to just poke you in the eye with a sharp object and be done with it. Now they're saying just to use my god damn fork. Now they're saying – "

"Lily. You're scaring me."

"Good. Now, shouldn't you be in class?" I say, trying to avoid spraying food everywhere.

"The voices told me to talk to you, remember. You can't ignore the voices."

"You can't ignore the voices? Oh, well I guess I'll have to be poking your eyes out with my fork then."

"I'm going, I'm going. But Lily?"

"WHAT?"

"You have pretty eyes too."


	6. It's My Breath

I see Potter walking towards me with a clenched fist, and I think for one bizarre moment he's going to punch me.

"Here, Lily," he says, opening his hand out. "It's my breath – you just took it away."

"I don't want your breath, Potter," I say.

"But you 'took my breath away'!" He tries to pull my hand up and put his 'breath' in to it, but I keep my arm firmly by my side.

"Keep it! I don't want your breath," I say again, raising my voice. Several people are looking at us curiously. I begin to walk away, but Potter follows me, shaking his fist.

"But you took it away!" He started to jog to keep up with me.

I run around the school for five minutes trying to get away from the lunatic shaking his fist at me.


	7. Is Your Dad A Terrorist?

"Lily, is your dad a terrorist?" Wow. Random.

"No…and how the heck do you know what a terrorist is, anyway?"

"I have my ways," he replies, smirking. I try to walk away from him, but he follows me.

"Your ways?" I walk faster.

"My ways. Anyway, don't you want to know why I asked if your dad's a terrorist?"

I sigh. "Why, Potter?"

"Because you're the bomb!" I stop walking and stare at him, bemused.

"Well, that means I'm about to blow up. You'd better run."

"I didn't mean it like that," he hastened to assure me. "I just – "

"I said RUN!"

And then he was the one being chased around the school by a lunatic, ticking down the seconds until 'destruction'. In my defence, I'd just had a lot of sugar.


	8. Wanna Test The Guarantee?

**A/N Sorry it's been so long! Hope you enjoy this one.**

I'm sat at a table in the common room, trying to do my Charms homework, when Potter sits down in the chair opposite my own.

"I just put on some Magi-Witch lipstick. Wanna test the guarantee it doesn't kiss off?"

"Hey, EVERYONE!" I shout, turning away from Potter and looking around the crowded common room. "James Potter is wearing lipstick!"

"Lily!" Potter moans as the whole room erupts in laughter. "I didn't mean it seriously, it was just a chat-up – "

"Does anyone want to help test the guarantee it doesn't kiss off?" I yell, ignoring him.

Numerous girls put up their hands and hurry over to our table, giggling nauseously. Potter runs back up the stairs to his dormitory before any of them get too close.


	9. You're So Beautiful

I'm packing my bag after class when Potter comes and stands in front of me.

He clears his throat.

He picks at his fingernails.

He plays with his hair.

"You forgot what line you were going to use, didn't you?"

He nods gravely. "You're so beautiful you made me forget it."

I roll my eyes. "You had that line planned all along, didn't you?"

He grins sheepishly.

"Goodbye, Potter. Lovely talking to you."


	10. Is Your Name Summer?

Potter wolf whistles as I walk past, and I glare at him. There's only so much a girl can take before exploding, you know.

"Is your name Summer? Cause you're hot as hell!"

I take a deep breath and stop walking. "One – if you whistle at me again I WILL break your face. Two – even you can't be so stupid to forget my name after all these years. And three – that line would've made much more sense if you'd said 'hot as the sun', because you were making a reference to summer, the season when it is hot, because of THE SUN. But I know intelligence isn't really your strong point."

He blinks at me. "You're mad because my line wasn't intelligent enough?"

"That was the _third _reason. There were TWO others."

My voice was wasted however, as he'd already ran over to Sirius, yelling something about how he needs more 'clever ones'.

**A/N Thanks for the reviews, everyone! I really appreciate it.**


	11. There's No Comparison

"Lily!" I turn around to see Potter. He has a sombre expression on his face, and I stifle my giggles. "I have something to tell you - I tried to compare you to other girls. But…there's no comparison."

"Yeah...I tried to compare you to an ordinary human once."

He looks stumped. "That one was clever! I thought you wanted clever ones! Hmm." He clears his throat. "They say love hides behind every corner. I must be walking around in circles.

"You've been walking around in circles? You stupid, idiotic boy."

I begin to walk away, but he pulls me back. "No, I have another one!" I look at him expectantly. "Loving you, Lily – it's like breathing. How could I ever stop?"

"Simple - stop breathing. I can help with that, if you'd like?"

He backs away very slowly, and I grin at him as he walks away.


	12. U and I

James Potter always has the uncanny knack of arriving at the owlery whenever I'm there. I'm beginning to think it's not a coincidence.

"Oh, Lily! Good, there was something I wanted to share with you."

"Please, don't."

"Well, if I could rearrange the alphabet – "

"But you can't, can you? So there's no point in talking about it, is there?" I sigh.

" – I would put U and I together."

I watch my owl fly away before turning back to Potter. "Well if I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put F and U together."

I walk away and leave him sounding out the letters, his eyebrows furrowed.


	13. The Boyfriend Position

"Good evening, Madame," I hear Potter say. I look up and see him smiling amiably down at me. "Are you taking applications for the boyfriend position?"

Wow. The boy's original, I'll give him that. I might as well have some fun with him for a second or two. "Oh, yeah. Just write your name and three interesting facts down."

I hand him some parchment, a quill and some ink, and although he looks suspicious, he scribbles something anyway. "There, done? Now, to enter you just have to drop it into that burning fire over there. Good luck!"

"I knew it was too good to be true," Potter grumbles, dropping the parchment on to my knees, instead of the fire as I had directed him to. He walks away with a sigh, and I look down at the parchment.

_Name – James Potter._

_1. I'd love the position._

_2. I know this is the only application you're going to receive. _

_3. Therefore, you have to pick me._

I scrunch the parchment in to a ball and throw it in the fire myself.

**A/N Hey, so I'd really like everyone's opinions on something! Obviously, this story has to end sometime. ****It'll become more story-like at the end, and somethig _will _actually happen - who knows, Lily might even warm to James a little bit. ****So how many chapters do you think is _too _many? I have up to chapter 18 written out (all pick-up line chapters like all the previous ones), and after that I could start to finish the story, unless you'd like more pick-up line chapters. So please, opinions! Thanks so much for the reviews, you're all great!**


	14. These Are Your Shoulder Blades

I nearly jump out of my skin as someone walks up behind me and puts their hands on my back.

"Oh – these are your shoulder blades. I thought they were angel wings."

"Potter. DO NOT EVER TOUCH ME AGAIN."

"I'm sorry, Lils," he replies, shrugging. "You're just so darn touchable."

"And you're so darn creepy."

**A/N Sorry for what might be the shortest chapter in the history of fan fiction.**

**Thanks for the feedback, it's definitely helped. You'll all just have to wait and see where the story goes :)**


	15. You'd Be A Second

"Ah, here comes Potter," Alice says cheerily, gesturing to her right. She gets a lot of joy out of my misfortune.

"Hey, Lils," he says breezily, walking up to me. "Do you happen to have the time?"

"The time for you Potter? No."

"No, I meant the time. As in, the time that you find on a watch," he explains, though I already knew that in the first place.

"I don't have that for you either."

"But you wear a watch," he says, pointing it out on my wrist.

"But it's switched off."

"You can't switch off watches."

"You can switch off mine, though."

"It's ten past one," says Alice. "I remembered to turn _my_ watch on this morning." She grins at me, and I narrow my eyes at her.

"Oh, that reminds me!" He pretends to remember something, and I sense an attempt at a pick-up line coming. "If beauty were an hour, you'd be a week."

"What is that supposed to mean? Was that a compliment?"

"Erm…I need to check with Sirius…excuse me."

I look at Alice. "What on earth was – "

"I have _no _idea."

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**A/N Thanks so much for the reviews, keep 'em coming please! :)**


	16. It's Just A Sparkle

I look up from my dinner to see Potter's face looming over me. It's a very scary sight indeed.

"You've got something in your eye. Oh, it's just a sparkle."

"You've got something in _your _eye, Potter. Oh, it's just the tip of my wand."

I swear I didn't mean to poke him that hard. He's almost crying.

Ah, well. Inflicting physical pain on Potter is kinda fun.

**A/N When I started this story, I didn't have any idea it'd get as many reviews as it does, thank you SO much. I know no one understood the last pick-up line; don't worry, neither do I. Please keep the reviews coming!**


	17. The Best Way To Tall

**A/N Long time, no update! Sorry about that. Here you go!  
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Potter walks over to me, looking confident. And smarmy. "Hey, Lily?"

"What do you want?"

Does he really think I didn't just notice him 'discretely' checking the writing on his hand? "You can fall off a building, you can fall out a tree, but baby, the best way to tall is in love with me."

"The best way to 'tall'?"

"Oh, crap…the ink smudged," he says, squinting at the back of his hand. "What I _meant _to say is, you can fall off a building, you can fall out a tree, but baby, the best way to fall is in love with me."

"Well… I have to say Potter, the other two ways you suggested of ways to fall seem a lot more appealing to me that falling in love with you. I'd take a fall off a building any day."


	18. Um, Hey, Lily

Walking – or swaggering, I should say – towards me is Potter, a smile stretched across his face. I brace myself for what I know is coming. How can one person know so many pick-up lines? I'm starting to wonder if he owns a book of them. Merlin knows there are some susceptible books in the school library.

I stop talking to Alice as he approaches, putting my hands on my hips. "Come on then, Potter. Do your worst. What will it be today? You haven't even used the 'your dad must be a baker, cause you have some nice buns' one yet, and even I've heard that."

He gives me a strange look – as if he thinks _I'm _the crazy one. How ironic. "Um, hey, Lily," he says, nodding his head. He doesn't stop walking – he continues on past me. _He walks past._ He. Walks. Past.

Alice starts to snigger beside me. "Well, Lils, how embarrassing for you."

"Shut up," I say, poking her in the shoulder. Though it was sort of embarrassing, even if it was only Potter. You can hardly blame me for assuming he was going to try a line. I mean, this is Potter we're talking about. _Potter, _who never misses a chance to try and make me go out with him. And he just _walked straight past! _

"It wasn't embarrassing. Quite the opposite, actually."

"Oh, really?" Alice leans against the wall, crossing her arms and giving me a strange look. "So, what was it? Disappointing?"

"You can't be serious."

"Serious as an Avada Kedavra. I think you love hearing Potter's lines every day."

I roll my eyes. She's so ridiculous; it's not even funny. "'Love' and 'Potter' do not even belong in the same sentence," I say, pulling her away from the wall as the bell for next period rings. "Unless that sentence is 'Oh, how I'd love to push Potter off a cliff'."

"Okay, then. We'll see."

"You're delusional. Have you been eating the murky grey Bertie Bott's beans again? You know what that did to you last time."

"I'm perfectly sane today, thank you. I know I'm right. You like being hit on by Potter."

"Oh, of course. In fact, I've only been rejecting him for six years because I'd miss his attempts to woo me."

"Really, Evans?" I turn around and Sirius Black is standing there, walking behind us with some girl in fifth year (a completely different girl to the one I saw him with yesterday, of course). "I'll be sure to let James know how you really feel." He winks at me before tightening his hold on the girl's waist.

"Even you must've been able to hear the sarcasm, Black."

"Whatever you say, Evans." He walks into a Charms classroom with another wink, this time directed at the girl, who flutters her eyelashes before walking away.

"He's almost as insufferable as – "

"Oh, and Evans?" He turns round and steps back towards his classroom door. "Who says 'woo' anymore?"

"Good_bye_, Black," I mutter through my teeth, pulling Alice with me, who has a look of bemusement on her face.

All this over the absence of a pick-up line.

**A/N A slightly different chapter from the usual for you there! So, to answer a question a lot of people have asked: I get the pick-up lines from a lot of different places. I'd like to say I made them all up, but of course that isn't true. Some I found on the internet, some I've seen on TV, a couple I've heard from people around me (never directed at me personally) and some I made up using my strange and twisted mind. All of Lily's reponses are from me. I'm really glad people are enjoying the story, and I hope you don't mind that there won't be so many pick-up lines from now on...**

**Please leave a review!**


	19. You Could've Fooled Me

His glasses are always sliding down his nose, you know. Every thirty seconds he has to push them back up. That just seems silly to me. He could easily cast a spell on them to adjust them, couldn't he? Or one to make them stay on the bridge of his nose? Maybe that would be uncomfortable.

Why on earth I care about the bridge of Potter's nose, I've no idea. And it really is a particularly ugly bridge of someone's nose.

Not that I've been staring at it, or anything. But when he glances over at me, I look down at my shoes.

"Hi, Lil."

"Lily."

"No, I'm James."

"I know that, you prat. I was saying call me Lily and not Lil."

"It was a joke."

"It was hilarious."

"Glad you thought so." He pushes up his glasses again. Bloody hell, can't he do a sticking spell or something?

"What do you want, James?"

"You."

"Shut up."

"Actually, I wanted to say you could've fooled me," he says, obviously completely ignoring my polite request for him to shut his huge mouth.

"What?"

"Sirius told me how you really feel for me. You could've fooled me. I actually thought you weren't too keen on me."

I knew Sirius wouldn't let that go.

"I like you as much as I like spiders."

"How much do you like spiders?"

"I like them so much that I enjoy squishing them underfoot and killing them."

A smile breaks out on his face. "Quite a lot, then?"

I shake my head, aghast, and walk away.

**A/N I know this isn't the best chapter by a long shot, but i thought I'd better update as it's been AGES. I wrote this far too quickly. Next chapter will be better, honest.**


	20. Roses Are Red

"BOO!"

"Black, I've known you were behind me for thirty seconds," I say calmly. "Next time you're trying to sneak up on someone, don't stub your toe on their chair and mutter 'oh, shit'. It kind of gives you away."

"Oh."

"And also," I continue, swivelling around in my chair to face him, "you should wear a slightly less odious aftershave."

He frowns and sniffs himself, looking a lot like a dog. "What? This cost me ten galleons at Diagon Alley. It's magically proven to attract women-folk."

He wiggles his eyebrows lecherously at a nearby blonde, who giggles. Rolling my eyes, I put my hand over my nose pointedly.

"Anyway, what do you want? I have work to do."

"And I have broom cupboards to visit," he says suggestively, eyeing the blonde. "But I just want to tell you that I know."

"Know what?"

"I_ know."_

"You _know _what?"

"Your secret."

"You know I'm really a unicorn?"

"Your other secret."

"_What?!_"

"That you like my boy James."

"I. Do. Not. LIKE. JAMES!"

"Ah, but your eyes tell me differently," he says wisely.

"My eyes don't speak."

"Whatever, Evans."

"I told him the other day that I don't like him – "

"Well you were obviously lying," he interrupts. "You like him."

"This feels like we're eight years old," I moan.

"Yeah, and it's fun!" he says excitedly, _looking_ eight years old. "Anyway. You like him."

"I don't."

"You do."

"I don't."

"You do."

"I don't.

"You do."

"I don't."

"You don't."

"I do."

Ah, damn it.

"So you admit it, Evans!"

"That's the oldest trick in the book."

"And also the most effective."

He is the most infuriating boy in the world. Except James Potter. Who I dislike.

"Piss off, Black."

"No, I'm rather enjoying myself."

"You hurt my brain," I say, rubbing my temples.

"I'll leave you alone and let you rest your puny brain if you'll admit you like James." He sits on the rug in front of me and leans against the table.

I think for a moment, wondering what I could say to make him leave me alone.

"I don't want to kill myself when I look at him. Is that enough?"

"That's hardly the same as liking someone."

"That's because I DON'T LIKE JAMES!"

I shout a bit louder than I'd intended, and several people in the nearby armchairs look up, surprised.

"The lady doth protest too much, methinks," shouts up Jerry Grantham, a Muggleborn in third year.

"Yeah, what he said," says Sirius, his eyebrows furrowed.

"It's Shakespeare."

"I knew that!"

"Who's Shakespeare, Black?"

"Uh, a Muggle singer in a band?" he suggests.

I snort with laughter. "No, Black. No he's not."

"Stop trying to change the subject."

I'm saved from having to reply by Alice, who appears with a pile of books in her hands.

Hi, Lils. Don't you have some Slytherins to curse, Sirius?"

"Nah, I locked them all in the first floor bathroom hours ago. Alice, make Evans admit she likes James," he whines.

"Oh, this again? Everyone knows you like him. It's all getting a bit tedious now," she says, flapping her hand at me. "You were joking about locking the Slytherins in a bathroom weren't you, Black?"

"See, Evans! Alice agrees with me." I notice he avoids the question about the Slytherins.

"Why does everyone seem to think I like Potter but me?" I rub my temples again, infuriated.

"Because you're stupid," Alice answers, as if it's the simplest thing in the world.

"I'm leaving," I say. I walk to the portrait hole, ignoring the laughs of Alice and Sirius behind me. Those two certainly seem very buddy-buddy. If I didn't know better, I'd think there was something going on. But Alice has been in love with Frank for years, and Sirius is the biggest womanizer in the world and would flirt with an elf if it batted its eyelashes at him.

I walk out to the grounds and decide to walk around the lake to clear my head.

Alice and Sirius are being ludicrous. Maybe there was some sort of intoxicant in the pumpkin juice this morning. It's the only explanation, as no one in their right mind would be so convinced I like James Potter. I think I've made it pretty clear how I feel for the boy.

It's true that I don't detest him quite as much as I used to. Some of his pick-up lines were, admittedly, sort of funny. And sweet.

And it's also true that looking at his face doesn't make me want to throw up.

But it's _definitely _not true that I've caught myself staring at him once or twice.

That's not true at all.

And it isn't totally gutting that he hasn't talked to me in three days. I'm not bothered, really. Not even a little bit.

I stop at the closest oak tree and sit down with my back against it. I put my shoulder bag on my knees and unzip it, looking for anything sugary to calm the weird feelings in the pit of my stomach. I push my textbooks aside and notice a bit of pink sticking out between the pages of my Potions book.

I pull it out carefully, remembering why I put it in a book in the first place. The front of the card is covered in hundreds of multi-coloured paper hearts, all of them overlapping each other and a few sticking off the edge of the card.

I trace the edges of a big red heart near the middle absentmindedly and close my eyes.

_"Excuse me, are you Lily Evans?"_

_I turn around and set eyes on the most bizarre little boy I've ever seen. He's definitely human, not an elf of goblin, but he's tiny. He's wearing _short _white shorts and little else – he has a heart shaped red patent bag across his body that's obviously a girl's and he's holding a bow and arrow with a heart shaped point. The other thing he's wearing is a huge pair of white wings on his back that are so long they trail on the floor._

_"Yes, that's me," I say as Alice starts laughing beside me. Passers-by gather around to watch._

_"I'm Cupid, and I've been sent with a Valentine," he mumbles, aware of his audience._

_"Was it bribe or blackmail?" I say, looking the boy up and down. He can't be more than eleven._

_"P-pardon?"_

_"Potter. Did he bribe you or blackmail you?"_

_"He gave me twenty galleons," 'Cupid' replies, looking sheepishly. "Here, just take the card."_

_He shoves it into my hands and hurries off._

_"Potter's gone too far this time," I mutter, letting Alice take the card from my hands. "This is so embarrassing."_

_"It's Valentines Day. Let the boy be embarrassing. It's just because he loves you!"_

_I elbow her in the side and pull the card from her hands, opening it and reading what Potter's written inside._

_"Oh, Merlin's beard. Look at that, Alice."_

_She reads it over my shoulder, managing not to snugger until the very end. "How sweet."_

_"It's not sweet."_

_"You know it is. Come on, we'll be late for Charms."_

_Alice walks into the classroom, leaving me standing alone in the middle of the corridor. I read the card again and realise I have a smile on my face. I hastily rearrange my features into a frown, lest Potter sees me smiling at his card._

_And then for reasons unknown, I place the card inside a book ever-so-carefully and walk into Charms. Later, when Potter asks me about the card, I tell him thanks but no thanks, and he walks away unsurprised._

That was four weeks ago, yet I still carry the book and the card around with me every day. Before I can stop and wonder why, I open the card and look at Potter's verse.

_Roses are red,  
__And violets are blue,  
__I know I'm a prat  
__And unworthy of you.  
__But I love your smile,  
__And think you're oh-so fine  
__Please won't you give me a chance,  
__And be my Valentine?_

I smile again as I read it – I smile at how bad it is, how long it must've taken Potter to write it, its soppiness, its corniness. It's James all over.

And then I realise maybe, just _maybe, _I might have a teeny tiny itsy bitsy crush on James Potter.

**A/N Ack, I know this took a long time, and I'm sorry. But this is sort of long, so I hope that makes up for it. has been driving me insane today, I've been trying to update for hours and I kept getting an error message. Anyway, thanks so much for your reviews, please review this chapter and let me know what you think :) And yeah, I wrote the Valentines verse myself. Be impressed.**


	21. In The World

All I can think of over the next few days is my recent epiphany – though whenever I see James, I hide, embarrassed, as if he _knows. _

James-shaped thoughts have somehow filled my head and made it a lot more difficult to concentrate on homework, which is why I'm still trying to complete a Transfiguration essay at two o'clock on Monday morning, six hours before class, when I have to either hand in the essay or die a painful death.

I can't hide from James as he walks down the stairs from his dormitory, wearing pyjamas and a dressing gown - I'm the only person in the common room, and what am I supposed to do? Hide under a table?

He notices me immediately and smiles as he walks over.

"Hey," he says. "What are you doing?"

"What's it to you?" I say, momentarily forgetting that I'm supposed to be nice to him now. It seems natural to be hostile. "I mean, homework."

James sits down in a chair across from me and rests his elbows on his knees, with his hands propping up his head.

"Tired?" I ask, unsure of what else to say. It's easier being mean.

"Yeah, but I can't sleep. I'm glad you're here, I've been wanting to tell you something for a few days but I can never find you."

"Yeah?" I say, suddenly incredibly interested in a loose thread of my armchair, not wanting to look at him.

"Look. Lily. I think it's time I grow up a bit, so I'm going to stop with the pick-up lines and the public declarations of love. Although I'm not giving up on you, of course," he adds hastily, "because you're still the most beautiful, amazing girl in the world.

_Beautiful. Amazing. _It's all stuff I've heard before, but it seems different now. Flattering, instead of stalker-like.

"So I'm just going to wait patiently for you to realise how much you love me."

Arrogant boy. Remind me why I've fallen for him?

"Well, James, I, uh – " _I've already realised how much I like you. _But I can't say it. "I, um, appreciate it. You stopping the pick-up lines, I mean."

I am such a liar.

James nods and pulls my homework towards him.

"Is this the Transfiguration essay?" I nod. "Oh, wow," he says, laughing. "Pass me your quill."

I give him my quill and ink, trying not to smile when he touches my hand as he takes them.

I watch as he crosses bits out and adds bits in. He chuckles every now and then.

"What's so funny?"

"James Potter is doing Lily Evans' homework," he says disbelievingly.

"Transfiguration isn't my strong point! And you're not doing it, you're editing it."

"Whatever makes you feel less guilty."

He works for another couple of minutes before passing it back to me.

"You might want to copy it out again. I don't think Minnie McGonagall will appreciate the message I added at the bottom."

He stands up and pushes my essay back across the table.

"Thanks," I say, wondering what his 'message' is.

"Night, Lils."

He salutes as he walks up the stairs and I grin as he disappears from view.

I look down at my essay and read the scrawled message in the bottom left corner of the parchment.

_If you're going to use me, can't it be for something sexual instead of my Transfiguration skills?_

I grin widely and start copying out the edited essay on to a fresh piece of parchment. When I'm finished, I pull my Potions book out of my bag, take the original with James' revisions and tuck it inside the Valentines Day card.

I climb into bed with a soppy smile on my face. What a lovesick fool I've become.

**A/N Hope you enjoyed! Please review.**


	22. Play Him At His Own Game

"Alice!"

She puts the pillow over her face, barely awake. The rest of the girls in our dorm are already at breakfast, but Alice is a notoriously late riser.

"Alice! Alice Alice Alice Alice Alice Alice Alice – "

"LILY LILY LILY BLOODY LILY!" she screams, looking like a madwoman. She proceeds to pull her bedcovers over her face.

…and I proceed to pull her covers off and onto the floor.

"I severely dislike you," she moans, sitting up in bed. "What could you possibly want at this early hour?"

"I want you to properly wake up and tell me what to do about James Potter."

She seems more awake instantly and pulls me down on to the bed. We sit squashed up together, resting against the headboard, as we have many time before. Her bed is somewhat comfier than mine.

"What's happened? Have you told him you like him? Did he kiss you? Are you getting married and having lots of cute little babies?"

"Merlin, slow down. I haven't even told you I like him yet!"

"Yes, but I am your best friend and soul sister, and therefore knew before you did, as did Sirius Black, and half the school…"

"Shut up, no one else knows."

"So, have you told him yet?" she asks eagerly.

"No. And I'm not sure if I'm going to."

"What? Are you crazy? You have to tell him!"

"But I'm scared! And I don't want to have to admit it to him."

"Lily. As your best friend, I feel the need to inform you that if you let your pride get in the way of what could be an amazing relationship, then you are stupid stupid stupid," she says, poking me in the stomach with every 'stupid'.

"How am I supposed to tell him I actually like him after all this time?" I moan, hiding my face in Alice's pillow.

Alice is silent for a minute.

"I think we should play him at his own game."

"What are you on about?" I ask wearily.

"Pick-up lines. You should use them."

"That is the most stupid idea I have ever heard."

"It's not. It'll be fun."

"For you, you mean?"

"Well, yes. But it'll be a lot easier for you than just asking him out."

I let out a heavy sigh. "And a lot more embarrassing. But fine, I'll do it."

"Yay!" Alice squeals.

"We don't know any pick-up lines, though."

"We'll write them ourselves," Alice suggests. "How hard can it be?"

.x.

Very hard, as it turns out. Half an hour later when the bell rings we have five very, very bad lines, as well as rumbling stomachs ("There's no time for frivolous things such as food at times like these," as Alice had said when I'd mentioned that we were missing breakfast. "Lily Evans is trying to tell James Potter she likes him! This is astounding. Food can wait.")

But lame lines are better than none at all, and we decide – or, more accurately, Alice decides – that I'm going to use the first one later today.

**A/N So, I think you'll all be pleased to see the return of the pick-up lines in the next chapter! Well, it'll be a bit different this time, what with it being the other way around. Please leave a review!**


	23. Do You Have A Raisin?

Deep breaths. Breathe in… and out. In. Out. Why is breathing suddenly so hard when I've been doing it my entire life?

I've been watching him all dinner – he's only sat a few people down the table, playing some sort of game with Sirius that involves their wand and some strawberry jelly. Remind me once again why I have somehow fallen for this boy?

Okay. Go on. _Just do it._

I walk over, ignoring my friends' quizzical glances (except Alice, of course, who's bouncing up and down on the bench with excitement), and tap James on the back. He turns around and grins up at me, and my breath hitches in my throat. I jerk my head, asking him to stand up, and I walk a couple of steps away from the table so no one can overhear.

"Uh, Potter, I was, um, wondering?"

"Yes?"

"Do you have a raisin?"

He narrows his eyes, confused. "Um, no, I don't."

"How about a date?"

Oh, Merlin. I've said it. I try to look him in the eye, but find myself staring at my shoes.

"Sorry, Lily, I – " _What?_ He's rejecting me? Oh, Merlin, I wish a hole would open up in the ground right now. " – I don't have any dates. Why would I, anyway, if you don't mind me asking? Why don't you go ask the elves in the kitchens? I can show you how to get in."

He doesn't get it. He doesn't bloody get it.

"Oh, no," I manage to choke out. "That's fine. Just had an urging for some wrinkly fruit, that's all!"

"Okay then…I guess I'll see you later?"

"Yeah…see you later."

James sits back down on his bench, clearly confused. This might be trickier than I'd thought.

**A/N Hope you all enjoyed this. Please leave a review!**


	24. Am I Invisible?

Yesterday's attempt didn't go so well, I know. It's time for take two.

James is sat alone on a sofa by the fire, flipping through a book. It's obvious how nervous I am that I don't linger for longer on the fact that Potter has actually picked up a book.

I sit down beside him and he snaps his book closed. "Hello."

"I was just wondering if, um, I'm invisible?"

"No-o," he answers, cocking his head to the side and looking at me with a bemused smile. "Least of all to me." I try to ignore this, because I know if I pay too much attention to it I'll become a blushing maniac.

"So you can see me, then?"

"Yep."

"How about this weekend in Hogsmeade?"

"I'm sure I'd be able to see you then too…"

I can tell by his casual tone that he doesn't get it. He just thinks I'm a crazy person who needs to check if she'll be invisible different days of the week.

"Okay, then," I sigh, standing up. "I'm going to bed…night."

"Night," he replies, a perplexed look on his face.

**A/N Sorry this took a while. Like, dislike? Reviews please, I love them! :)**


	25. Are Your Parents Aliens?

A day has passed since the second disastrous attempt at trying to make James realise I like him, and I'm already a bit fed up. Why did I have to fall for such a dim boy? It makes everything a lot more difficult. If Alice weren't my best friend, I think I'd pack it all in and be single forever. Oh, how easy that would be.

Alas, Alice _is _my best friend - for some reason that I haven't figured out yet - and so she's making me try again.

I finally have an opportunity after Transfiguration. We reach for the door handle at the same time, and he touches my hand, 'accidentally'.

"Hey, Lily," he says, holding the door open for me to walk through first.

"Want to walk to class with me?"

You can't deny the grin that spreads across his face at my question, and I can feel myself blushing. _This is so weird. _James Potter is making me blush?

"So…James."

"So…Lily."

Deep breath. "James…are your parents aliens?"

He gives me that look again; the one I've seen fairly regularly recently. You know, the _look_– the look that shows he thinks I'm completely crazy.

"No, Lily, they're not. I thought a clever girl like you could figure that out for yourself. Why?"

"I thought your parents might be aliens because there's nothing like you on earth."

He stops walking and looks down at me. Two boys walking behind us have to swerve to avoid bumping into him.

"Lily, I know you don't like me as much as I like you. I won't try and pretend that's not true. But I thought we were at least friends now. It's kind of out of nowhere that you'd say something like that."

"Something like what?" I say, bewildered.

"Like comparing me to an alien. Saying I'm the weirdest person on the planet. A bit harsh, don't you think?"

"No, James, that's not what – "

"It doesn't matter, don't worry about it," he says coldly. "I'll see you later."

He walks off and leaves me alone in the corridor. How can I be even worse at pick-up lines thing than he is?

**A/N Thoughts? Thanks so much for all the reviews! **


	26. I've Got A Bet For You

James seems slightly less friendly over the next few days (which, believe me, is bizarre. I never thought James would be purely civil to me and nothing more) but he begins to thaw after several days, smiling in the corridors instead of just a nod of his head.

I'm sitting with my friend Katherine by the lake when I see Potter walking a few feet away with Sirius. I wave him over rather enthusiastically – and probably incredibly pathetically – and Katherine gives me a weird look.

"Why are you suddenly so ga-ga over Potter?"

"Ga-ga? Over Potter? Ha, don't make me laugh," I lie, watching James and Sirius walk over.

Black sits himself down next to Katherine, smiling creepily. Black seems to think that it's his duty to get with every girl in our year – except for myself, thankfully, because that would be 'breaking the code' - before we leave school, and Katherine has so far managed to avoid him.

"Hi; Katherine, is it?" He pats her knee and she nods nervously, edging away from him.

"Paddy, leave the poor girl alone," James says, laughing. He sits down next to me with a hesitant smile.

Sirius ignores James and tries to engage Katherine in a conversation. I can't hear what he's saying, but I'll bet it's about one of two things: how hard he's been working out for the next Quidditch match, or how well he performed at the last Quidditch match. He's a simple boy.

"So, James. I'm sorry about the alien thing. One big misunderstanding."

He waits a few moments before replying, and then says, "It's okay. I understand. Well, I don't, but I understand that you're weird and sometimes say these weird things that I don't understand."

"Well, I'm glad we've come to an understanding," I reply, laughing.

After a few minutes of talking about nothing in particular, James nudges me and points over my shoulder. Sirius is standing up and offering Katherine his hand. She takes it and lets him pull her up, looking up at him, dazed. Love-struck, one might say. Honestly. How does Sirius do it?

They walk off to goodness-knows-where, Black's hand on the small of Katherine's back. Watching Sirius, with all his confidence, I decide to do it: use the last pick-up line that Alice and I came up with. I said I'd never do it. She said to keep it in mind for a last resort. We argued. She won.

"James, I've got a bet for you," I say, turning back around to face him.

"Yeah?"

I take a deep breath and say it. "I bet you ten galleons that I can kiss you without using my lips."

He looks at me, puzzled. "Okay, but you're going to lose, because there's no way to – "

But before he can finish, I lean over and press my lips to his; just for a moment, just for one short, sweet moment, before I pull away.

"I lost. I guess I owe you ten galleons."

…and then I run away.

**A/N So. I hope you enjoyed that. Sorry for the sort-of-cliffie. Reviews are loved, every last one of them, so thank you very much. **


	27. Completely Innocent Conversation

**A/N Look! It's an update! From me! It's been at least a month, I know. I've been working on this for a while, so I really hope you like it. ****I changed my username, by the way, if anyone's confused. Longer A/N at the bottom.**Oh my bloody Merlin, I just kissed James Potter.

* * *

And now he's running after me. He's quite a bit faster than me, so I think I'm wasting my energy here, but I keep running across the grounds anyway. I'm not quite sure why exactly I'm sprinting away from him as fast as my puny legs will carry me, but I know that I don't have a clue what to say to him if he catches up with me. Maybe if I run for long enough he'll give up.

Actually, James Potter? Give up? Yeah, right.

"Lily!"

He's screaming at me like a madman, not unlike the time he tried to give me the 'breath' that I 'took away'.

I decide to stop, because I'll never be able to outrun him. I know he'll never stop, because I've figured out from the past seven years that James Potter has a _lot _of persistence. I think if there's anyone who knows that, it's me.

So, I stop and turn around. He's still running at full pelt, and more than a couple of people are staring.

"Lily," he shouts when he's a few feet away. "You kissed me!"

"I know," I sigh, thinking about how peculiar it is to hear him say that. If someone told me a week ago that I'd kiss James Potter, I'd tell them they'd had one too may butterbeers at a party last night.

"Kissed! Me! You!"

He reached me now and stood slightly too close for our conversation to seem perfectly friendly. Which, obviously, it wasn't. _I'd just bloody kissed him!_

"Yeah, James, I did. Would you like the ten galleons now?" I sound bizarrely calm, as if I go round kissing boys every day.

It's not like I've never kissed anyone. I've kissed hundreds of guys!

Well, maybe ten.

Divided by two.

Minus three.

So… two people. I've kissed two people.

One of those boys was James, and the other was Fredric Garrett during a game of spin the bottle. His breath stank of Firewhiskey, and his tongue was extremely lizard-like. Not that I'd ever had a lizard's tongue in my mouth, but you know what I mean – basically, my first kiss was not a particularly nice experience.

"I don't give a rat's arse about the ten galleons! I'd rather be kissed by you than get ten thousand galleons, you know that."

I think he's trying to be romantic, but it's hard to make something sound sweet when it includes the phrase 'rat's arse'. Then again, James Potter isn't really the most romantic of blokes.

I'm suddenly conscious of the fact that there are countless other people around, many watching us openly, unashamed, others pretending to be looking over our heads at something else. Ha, yeah, you're not fooling me.

"Can we take this somewhere else?" I say.

"Why?"

"Because there are people. Lots of them."

"So? We're not doing anything else but talking, are we? Were you planning on doing anything else, Lils?"

He grins, and before I can reply he's putting his hands on my waist and pulling me towards him until our noses are an inch apart.

"What are you doing?" I say.

"Nothing. We're just talking."

"Oh, are we? Do we have to be this close?"

"Sure. I couldn't quite hear you properly."

"And do you need to be holding me around the waist quite so tightly?"

"Of course," he replies. "I don't want you to run away again."

"Why would I run away if we're just talking?"

James brings his hands up to my face and leans down until I can feel his breath on my face.

"I'm not sure," he replies. "We're just having a completely innocent conversation."

"Are we?" I murmur. The effect his touch has on me is causing damage to my vocal chords.

"Yep. We're just two friends talking. So, Lily, how has your day been?"

"It's been great," I say, breathless. "And yours?"

"Really bloody good, thanks. Especially the last five minutes or so."

"Oh, really? Why?"

"Because," he begins, putting the hair that keeps falling in front of my face behind my ears, "a really amazing girl just kissed me."

"Did she? Who was it?"

"I think you know her."

Then he finally closes the space between our lips and kisses me. He causes me to completely forget myself and who else is watching, and I wrap my arms around him.

"James," I say as we break apart. "Everyone is staring."

He looks around and people pretend to be reading their textbooks or talking to their friends.

"Oh well." James grins and kisses me again.

"James…"

"Yeah?" he mutters in between leaving quick kisses on my lips.

"Will you go out with me next weekend?"

He stops kissing me – thank Merlin, because I think my legs might give out if he keeps going – and looks at me with a wry smile on his face.

"No."

Wait, did he just turn me down?

"No?"

"No."

"What? Were you not just kissing my face off?"

"I believe I was."

"So… I sort of assumed that meant you were still interested in me."

"Oh, believe me, I am. More than interested."

"Why don't you want to go out with me then?"

"I will. But I want to ask you."

"What? Why does it matter?"

"It just does. I've been rejected so many times that I want to experience acceptance," he says with a smile.

"Fine, if it really matters that much to you."

He's a strange boy.

James lifts my hand up and bows down to kiss it, managing to look extremely dorky but still get various 'aww' noises from onlookers (all girls, of course).

"I'll see you later," he says, starting to walk backwards towards the castle.

"Why can't you just ask now?" I have to raise my voice for him to hear me as he backs further away.

"I have some thinking to do! It has to be extravagant!"

Oh, Merlin. Extravagant?

"James! Please, nothing over the top."

He just winks before turning around and walking away, high-fiving some boy along the way that I'm pretty sure he's never talked to in his life but apparently appreciates James's 'women skills' (the kid's words, not mine).

I decide to have a walk around the lake to try and distract me from thinking about what 'extravagant' ways James might think up to ask me out.

I feel blissfully happy. It's quite embarrassing, really, how delirious I must look. I see my reflection in the clear water of the lake; my red hair's all over the place in the way I know Sirius Black calls 'sex hair', the same colour as my blushing cheeks. I'm having one of those moments where you actually can't stop smiling, as if it's physically impossible to turn down the corners of your mouth.

I should have kissed James Potter years ago.

**A/B I really hope you enjoyed that. I absolutely loved writing their 'casual conversation', so I hope it was as fun to read. I can't believe this story has 900+ reviews, that's absolutely amazing. Could I possibly get to 1000 before the next chapter? That would make my week/month/life. Getting reviews makes me extremely happy.**

**There's probably two chapters left, now, possibly more if I'm on a roll. **

**Please review!**


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